Honest Scrap Award!

The Honest Scrap Award! I've seen these. Always wanted one.

And today: 4/14/10, Consider Your Ass Kicked! was awarded my own Honest Scrap Award by Grant at Austin Carnivore.

I type all these links by hand, people. It's a wonder they go anyplace.

Thank you Grant!

The Award:



The Requirements: List 10 Truthful Things about Yourself and Pass the Award on to 6 Others.

10. I weigh greater than 180 pounds!
9. I can eat my own weight in filet mignon, given sufficient funding and an unspecified time period. In fact, I am certain I have done so.
8. I occasionally day-dream working out elaborate science fiction scenarios that are completely boring, if I only took a step back to think about them, and that would not make good movies at all. Nor did the idea of turning one into a movie have anything to do with me working the scenarios out.
7. I have never tried chaw.
6. I have never quit smoking. Not even once!
5. I drink to moderation.
4. I will wear my hat backwards, and it's not because I ever thought it looked cool. There are functional reasons.
5. Sex and me are like old friends.
6. I've got a lot to say on the topic of "rights."
7. Not good at math. Not really.

Grant, I have failed the requirements. Therefore:

You May Revoke Your Award.

Statement Of Raison D'Etre

Welcome to You May Revoke Your Award. I find myself in a difficult position. I would love to gratefully accept any awards, rewards, plaudits or honors (especially medals) that would come my way!

So I do.

But where I run afoul, potentially afoul, is that occasionally awards come with sundry conditions. These, I reject utterly. That's an arbitrary stance on my part, reflective of how I roll.

Therefore: You May Revoke Your Award.

Click HERE for details how! Or, read on below for awards I have thus far received - all subject to revocation by the giver at any time!

Master of Karate and Friendship Award

1. I am master of unused (and arguably, unusable) band names.
2. I am master of Feng Shui Do, the martial art of interior decorating. If you walk into my house, you will be attacked by your surroundings.
3. I am master of kickass diplomacy (mostly just at work).
4. I am master of coming off like I think I'm so smart
5. I am master of many styles of beer.
6. I am master of three-finger lightning typing technique.

And I thought I'd never be recognized. But no! Today, March 2nd 2010, I was "tagged" by Sarah of Naked Cupcakes as the recipient of the Master of Karate and Friendship Award! Hi-Yyyyah!!

The requirements of this award are:
1) to list six things I master, and
2) tag six others for the award.

I have failed the requirements! 

Therefore Sarah, You May Revoke Your Award.

The "OMG UR TOTALLY RAD! SRLSY" EXTREME award.

The "OMG UR TOTALLY RAD! SRLSY" EXTREME award was awarded en masse by Allie at Hyperbole And A Half to everyone who happened to be reading at that exact moment, which I was.

The award itself speaks for itself, eloquently:

From Allie:

"The rules of the award are:

1. You are rad.

2. You now have an award to represent your radness.

3. Celebrate however you see fit. If it involves bears, awesome."

I've got a bit of angst posting this here, as I seem to have these requirements aced.



...And ordinarily, the awards I post on You May Revoke Your Award are posted here because in theory, I haven't bothered to fulfill requirement one. Hence, I feel it necessary to give the giver a back-out option in light of my serene lack of compliance.

Still, what the hell. I hereby decree that going forward, if I get an award that I already live up to, I'll still post it here. Why? Because the fact that I haven't failed to comply doesn't mean the award should be penalized! Omitted, from so august a company of awards. Let's all just say thee nay to that one. This is the lofty gallery where I proudly display such things. So here it goes!

Ooo! Also, a possible loophole in the conditions, to where I do or can fail! Right there on Rule #1. Rad as I may feel now (due to the award, no doubt) I must admit I nevertheless do often fail that rad requirement! I have frequent crises of non-radness.

So much for the ambivalence and conscience-wrangling! So I say: Thank you, Allie! For this rad sort of recognition. And of course, You May Revoke Your Award.

And the Kreativ Blogger Award goes to...Review Your Own Blog!

Mike over at 1,000 Words was kind enough to pick Review Your Own Blog to receive the Kreativ Blogger Award:

There are some conditions that go with this award:

1. Copy the image.
2. Post in my blog.
3. Award seven other bloggers who should receive the award.
4. Make a list of ten creative things about myself.

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Of course, as I've already stated in the Statement Of Raison D'Etre, I reject utterly any conditions appertaining to the awarding of awards. I've had this stance ever since I "won" that pleasurable sea cruise a few years back.

But I feel an exception can be made from time to time, as a token gesture, without undermining my core stance (which, as I plainly say, is arbitrary - and so an exception here, exception there can only bolster its arbitrary nature).

With that in mind, here's a list of ten creative things about myself:

1. I eat my pizza much the same way everybody does, but for some reason some way about the specific way I do it strikes me as unusual.

2. I sleep odd hours. 5, 7, 9 - never 8, 6 or 10.

3. Damn it I'm just making these up. Start over.

2. (previous #3 counts as new #1) I write poems.

3. I write songs.

4. I write memos, pretty damn persuasive ones. That takes some panache.

5. I enjoy doing things perfectly seriously, even when the things themselves are not entirely serious in nature.

6. I

That's it for the list.

Kreativ Blogger Award was awarded to ReviewYourOwnBlog on 11/17/09 by Mike at 1,000 Words!

Thanks, Mike! In view of the abysmal failure to perform against the conditions,

You May Revoke Your Award.

Neno's Award!

The award is "Neno's Award":

The award is a dedication for those who love blogging and love to encourage friendships through blogging.

Neno's Award was awarded to me on 5/22/09 by Branwen at TUATHA DÉ DANANN - "PEOPLES OF THE GODDESS DANU"

Thanks, Branwen! But of course, in view of my failure to satisfy the various aims of the award (as witnessed here), You May Revoke Your Award.

Continuation of Statement Of Reason Of To Be

...So how it works is this: any award I am offered, I will post here, with the aforementioned proviso that I reject utterly any and all conditions appertaining thereto. I will link to the person awarding, and thank them! Of course. But any other conditions, stipulations, etc. will go unfulfilled.

And (here's where the whole theme comes into play) - if you are the person who awarded me the award, and if you wish to do so (in view of my staunch refusal to satisfy your stated conditions), please simply leave a comment underneath that post and

You May Revoke Your Award.

Simplicity!

Note: given all the above, I am perfectly happy to accept all sorts of uncomplimentary-sounding awards as well, like the "Major Dickblog Award," the "Worse Than A Hearse" award, the "You Died Unloved Award," or the "Poor Sports Champ!" award, or even such creatively, inscrutably only maybe insulting awards as the "Your Pee Is Pink" award. But if you do wish such an award to be posted here, be sure it includes some conditions! Otherwise, technically, you may not revoke your award, and I'd have a hard time justifying posting it on this page.

That about covers it!

Simplicity.